Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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