Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
