I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
