this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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