worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
