i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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