All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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