well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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