It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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