i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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