yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't deserve a penis
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
