We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
