I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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