Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it's like iHOP with fire
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
