Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
