The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize