Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
