I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
