Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
