Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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