Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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