having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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