Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
