I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
