I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
