he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize