The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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