It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
