I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
