Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
