I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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