i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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