I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
