whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
