Please, let me fuck your mom
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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