The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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