The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
