I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
