U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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