I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
