PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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