Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
