i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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