Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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