Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
