Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
