you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
