you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
