Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
