I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
