I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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