well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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