remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize