dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We need to get me chipped asap
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
