I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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