So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize