Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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