absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
