please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
