Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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