As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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