i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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