I wanna bring you to show and tell
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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