I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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