First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
