She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
