guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
