we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
