dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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