the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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